Never Satisfied with Your Language or English Speaking Skills?
Ever since I started learning another language, I’ve always had a feeling of never being ‘good enough’ at it.
I’m sure I’m not alone.
It’s a feeling of never being satisfied with my skills or abilities to communicate exactly the way want to. As learners, we are hard on ourselves. We are our own biggest critics. Always, focusing on all of our mistakes.
The focus is on trying to fill the gap between where you are now and this dream of speaking perfectly… A time and a place where you know exactly what to say at the right time. With no hesitation, no doubt.
Or rather, we won’t be satisfied until we speak this new language the way we speak in our native language.
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Focusing on the Wrong Things
When I listen to native speakers talking, I think… “Wow, I have a lot to learn. I cannot speak like that.”
Why am I comparing myself to a native speaker?
I realized that this doubt that I have in my own skills comes from this: Native speakers know who to say things 1000 different ways. I only know how to say it a few different ways.
Think about that for a minute. It makes a lot of sense about where this feeling of ‘doubt’ comes from…
When I say something. I feel like I am not very good because I haven’t mastered every possible way I could say the sentence in the language yet. I feel restricted to the 2 or 3 ways I can express the thought.
My ‘version’ of the sentence feels like a translation from my native language more than a way a native speaker would say the same thing. My version is 100% correct and a native speaker will tell me that I don’t have any errors. The native speaker could have chosen to say the sentence in the same way I did…
Why am I doubting my skills??
The REAL purpose of learning a language, is to be able to communicate. Connecting and talking with other people. I am certainly able to do that. Right now, I am living in a country that speaks the language I am learning.
Frequently, I hear native speakers complimenting me by saying, “Your Spanish is really good!” My answer, “Thanks, but I still have a lot to learn.”
What a way to respond to a compliment! That’s horrible.
This could have been a positive thing for my confidence AND the person giving the compliment if I said the truth: “Thanks. I’ve actually been working at it pretty hard for a long time.”
Focusing on the Progress You’ve Made
I know my skills aren’t that bad, really. Especially when I think about how far I’ve come in the language.
Looking back at the first conversation I ever had… what a disaster. I felt like I couldn’t use the words and grammar I had learned. It also felt like I had to test every word to see if it made sense to the native speaker.
My listening skills used to be horrible! It was so frustrating not being able to understand a person speaking. I hated getting caught when I didn’t understand someone because I didn’t hear what they said. It was really embarrassing.
After applying some techniques and working to improve my listening, I can now enjoy watching movies without subtitles and I understand people when they are talking to me almost perfectly.
When I think about these situations, I realize that I shouldn’t feel like I am ‘not good enough’ yet. It gives me a sense of pride with the skills that I have developed.
Instead of giving ourselves the recognition we deserve for learning a foreign language and enjoying how much we have learned in the language; we focus on how much more we have to learn in order to be a master of the language. That sounds like a mindset that will result in failure.
And it is.
The Real Struggle
My self-confidence towards my skills in the language I’m learning could use a bit of attention. Lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated that I can’t say things (in Spanish) the exact way that I want to.
Instead of focusing on how I can’t say everything with the same ease I can in English… and feeling disappointed.
I am going to focus on the fact that I can say what I want to say and the other person knows what I am trying to say. That is an accomplishment and anyone learning a language should be proud that they have learned enough to be able to communicate successfully.
There are always going to be new things to learn about this language. There’s no doubt that this will be the case.
Heck, I am still learning things about English, my native language. I learn new things about grammar, new vocabulary and new slang terms that are evolving constantly.
Being proud of what you have learned already will not stop you from continuing your journey to be better and better every day. Having the confidence to use what you know in the best way you can to communicate is the goal, not perfection.
Leave a comment for me below about this article. Do you have this struggle as well?
If you are ready to improve your speaking skills using similar methods that have helped me, don’t forget to register as a member here to try some lessons.
What do you think about this article? I’d love to hear your comments here 🙂
-Amy
Amy, I read the article and I feel exactly the same way.
What would be the answer to stop feeling that way? I know communicate is the goal, but I know a lot of spanish native speakers that have achieved a high level speaking English.
Hi Hugo. My advice would be to decide if you think you will ever feel content at with your level of communication in English. If you are like most learners… we recognize that there is always room for improvement, which usually leaves us feeling like we are not ‘good enough’.
Try to think about how much more English you know now than when you started and remind yourself every day that you are improving. That is something to be proud of and deserves a positive feeling. Reminding yourself every day that you haven’t reached your goals, you are still making mistakes and you haven’t mastered the language will not help build your confidence.
Start thinking about what you have accomplished already, the things you are proud of, and the ability you do have to communicate. Then put the doubt you have in another place in your mind that says ‘there’s always room to improve at anything, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough already’.
I hope that helps!
Hi, Amy
Actually I proud with my passionate be fluently spoke in english but the other hand I was realy sad with my slowly progress in listening and speaking.My target is 100 % understand when Americans native speaker talk to me or listenting radio or watching the movie, actually I understand 80% when you speaking in video or online inglish teachers because they speak slowly, but I’ve problem when we saw TEDX video who speak fast.
Eventhough, I still patient to getting fluent and agree 100 % your article.
80% is a good place to be with your listening. Don’t worry about not understanding a Tedx video or trying to compare that to conversational English. The truth is that they prepare their speech for months and they tend to use complicated words to discuss a specific subject. As you start to learn the most common words, the Tedx videos and news stories will be much easier to understand 80-90% 🙂 Keep trying, you are making progress!
Hi Amy. thank you so much for the lovely article. i agree with you. if we want to get something we should keep trying, but i have been studying English for more than 5 years. but still i feel i am not good enough yet. i am spending at least an hour to learn English per day. i watch movies, videos, listening to podcast and radio everything. sometimes i can understand the movie without subtitles. but some movies…..i can’t understand anything. i hate when i am struggling. i learn vocabularies, slang words everything. sometimes i watch BBC,CNN News. when i am listening i feel i am ok. i can understand everything thing. but when i am speaking, i can’t express my thought. i forget all the vocabulary. i made grammar mistakes. i feel really frustrating when this happen to me. how can i remember all the words that i am learning. i want to talk like native speakers. with out any fear and hesitation. what should i do?
Hi Haniya. Great to hear you liked the article.
When I read your comment, I see two main areas you want to improve: #1 Being able to understand EVERYTHING without subtitles or a transcript and #2 to improve your speaking.
The truth is that I know exactly why both of these problems are happening and why you aren’t seeing the progress you want from the time you are investing to learn and improve your English. These issues are exactly what I help my students overcome in our courses.
*Only listening to audio is not enough. There has to be a strategy to learn what your ears don’t recognize the first time you hear it. (I teach the strategy in my lessons)
*The only way to improve your speaking is to practice. None of the activities you mentioned are speaking practice activities. (We also have lessons to make sure you practice speaking)
The best way to stop ‘forgetting words’, is to use them while you are trying to speak out loud (with or without other people). If you can’t remember a word, it’s because you don’t use it very often and it is only something you have memorized. There are much easier ways to remember and use the words you have spent so much time learning 🙂
Don’t be scared to practice and make mistakes… That is also part of the process. Your brain has to practice putting sentences in order and it has to practice USING everything you have learned. The only way that things will start to come out correctly is after you have used it correctly many times before. So, again, lots and lots of practice. Listening more will not help you speak better.
You sound very motivated and I’m certain you can see much faster progress with only a little bit of advice and better techniques. I’ll send you an email explaining everything in more detail 🙂
I do agree with you dear Amy. Personaly I have this fear of beig mocked by native speakers or people who have been in touch with English for many years, while expressing my ideas about any issue. Of course I am a learner and my mother tongue is different and I think it is quiet natural to lose my self confidence while talking by the limited number of conversational words,slang expressions, and Idioms.
I wish one they I would be able to speak as good and perfect as a native speaker like you.
In my idea one of the solutions is to listen to street talks and conversations at any time and anywhere with no reason. Also being in touch with some native speakers (as freinds) would be positively effective.
Hi Shahrzad. I don’t think you need to worry about being mocked by native speakers. The top priority for native speakers is trying to understand what someone is trying to say. It can feel like you don’t have the perfect words to express yourself in a second language but the best way to change that is to continue practicing. For now, just remember that you shouldn’t feel insecure about your speaking. Your goal should be focused on effectively communicating with someone in another language 🙂
Yes it states that the way of thinking of people and compare them with native speakers and get demotivated. It is not a way. Languages for communication without thinking that I’m speaking wrong first there should be attention to speak.
But there should be way to say improvement in your speaking with evaluation. If we put effort we can be natively speakers.
Hi Jenuja. Thanks for your comment. Yes, with effort you can become a very good speaker. A few people do reach a level where they sound like a native speaker. If that is your goal, you are welcome to try to get there. In my opinion, it is more important to have an English level where you speak well, it feels easy to communication, you are understood easily and you understand native speakers. A student doesn’t need to sound like a native speaker to achieve those things.
The extra The article is intended to help those that suffer from low-confidence and to recognize that aspect is stopping them from continuing to make progress in the language. A mindset of reaching ‘perfection’ causes frustration and disappointment… which make it difficult to be motivated to continue.
Amy my great goal is to communicate with somebody in english because of its international language dur to this reason i wanna learn engilsh from native speaker like you..but how am i perefect ? Most of the time am embrassed in my mistake and ….so i wanna some advice from you…
Hi Terefe. Great to hear you want to improve your speaking. Yes, I agree with you, English is the language of the world.
The good news is that what you are feeling when you speak is very common with English learners.
The bad news is that you have to practice speaking A LOT to overcome this problem. Of course, speaking with other people in a safe learning environment can help to feel less embarrassed as well.
Have you joined as a Free Member yet?
https://realenglishconversations.com/courses/lp/fpp-trial/
Yes i was join free member last day but i was followed your real english converstion course..
Okay great to hear. Yes, the Real English Conversations course is very useful.
Hi Amy! I think what you just wrote is exactly what happens to me all the time. When people compliment my english my answer is: “really, I do not think so. I am terrible”, and I do not why I do always the same. I also compare myself with native people which frustrate me. Sometime when I am talking with a native person if by any chance the person frowns the face, I panic and loose concentration. I know I have to practice but I do not want to talk to people to avoid making mistakes…I know it is silly, that is why my new year resolution is to speak english fluently and do not pay attention to funny faces.
Hi Clementina. Yes, it’s a hard thing to accept that our speaking isn’t perfect but the errors are not what people are focusing on. Especially in countries with a lot of immigrants living there that do not speak perfect English. It’s kind of normal for native English speakers to hear ‘not perfect’ English. Our focus is understanding what the person is trying to say, not the errors. Furthermore, if they don’t understand something, maybe they didn’t hear what you said, just repeat it with confidence a little louder or clearer.
That’s a very good article, you nailed it. I’m an English learner and quite often I go mad if I cannot find the most “English-native” sentence that conveys the same meaning as one in my own language. I sometimes get really obsessed.
For example, let’s say I got a new job, but the first few days I’m feeling quite unsure about what to do. Then a colleague comes to me and says something like “I’ll help you, I’ll clarify any doubt”
well, “clarify any doubt” is quite used in my native language, it’s a standard phrase.
But even with “resolve any doubt(s)”, “clear any doubt(s)” I cannot find that many matches on google. That suggests me this wording is not used in English so much. As you said it sounds to me like a straightforward word-by-word translation.
That’s the kind of obsession that always happens to me, and it gets to me too. 🙁
Hi Renzo. Thanks for your comment. I’m happy to hear that you feel this article was a helpful perspective. It’s taken me a really long time to recognize that my language skills are quite good and to accept my own desire to want to improve (which will never change), but also to be satisfied with the current ability that I have when I communicate.
To make a suggestion about these challenges you are facing with finding the best way to sound natural, lessons with a teacher can be massively helpful. Especially if you have a list like the example ‘resolve a doubt’ (that sounds like you are a Portuguese or a Spanish speaker by the way… I hear this every day from my students). The normal way of expressing this is ‘I have a question’ Or ‘I’d like to clarify something I’m unsure about’.
Anyway, we teach exactly what you are looking for and we can show you how to study in a way that helps you to ‘sound more natural’ when you speak. If you are considering a course or lessons to join, check out our options 🙂